To be honest, I was kind of discouraged this past week.
Each day we set goals we want to accomplish for that day. And, at the end of the day, we put what we actually did next to the number we hoped for. Our daily actual totals have been lower than our daily goals every single day. Which frustrated me quite a bit.
I know that I am working hard, but I can't help but be disappointed when our numbers are lower or even a zero for that day.
I think one of the things I am supposed to learn on my mission is to be okay with some things being out of my control.
For example, one investigator that we have been trying to meet with since I got out here was finally available for an appointment! I was so stoked! But, when we got to the door, he wasn't there, and he wasn't answering his phone. I was frustrated! But once those negative thoughts came creeping in I had to think to myself: "Okay. You tried your best. It's not your fault that your appointment canceled. These things happen."
I came out here with these expectations of being super busy and teaching literally everyone in the Anaheim mission. I don't really want to lower my expectations, but it's hard for me when things aren't going how I would like them to.
Which leads me to another thing that I know I am supposed to learn on my mission. Nothing out here should be what I want it to be, it should be what God wants it to be. I have to ask myself though, is God wanting me to not be busy? What exactly does God have planned for me? I don't know the answers to these! Which frustrates me a bit.
So, if you knew me well before I came out on my mission. You know that I like to have things planned, and they need to go as planned. Things out here haven't always gone as I have planned them to be. Which I need to become okay with.
I just realized that I sound super negative so far in this letter. Which was not my intent. I apologize for that! And know that I am frustrated and disappointed a lot of times, but that I am okay. I love this work, and I know that I am doing the right thing with my life right now. I know that Heavenly Father is preparing people for me to teach. These people may not be ready right now, they may not be ready for 6 months. But they will be ready.
Also, it's crazy how scriptures just come to your mind when you're on a mission. You may have not read a specific verse in forever, but they just come to you. It's AWESOME. One of these verses that has just popped into my head this week is D&C 18:15 which says,
"And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one asoul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!"
So when I read that, I got scared. I'm going to put all this time and effort into a mission and only save one soul?!
But that is not the right attitude I should be having towards missionary work. After telling myself to calm down, and to really think about why I am out here, this verse brought me a lot of comfort.
If, by the end of these 2 years, I will have only changed 1 persons life. I will be so happy. Happy that I was able to make a difference in a persons life. Happy that I was able to help them know and understand Christ and our Heavenly Father just a little bit more. That is awesome. And that is what missionaries do. Missionaries are awesome.
Speaking of awesome things. I taught my first lesson this week! It was awesome! We taught the restoration, and Elder Spencer says I am doing really well for a new missionary. Which is very comforting to hear. I also had my first experience street contacting and knocking doors in a sketchy part of town.
I apologize for this being so long! I just have so much to tell you all!
Thank you for all the prayers and support. I love you. God loves you. And He he has a plan for us that will happen sooner or later.
Have a great week everyone!